It's Okay to be Alone

I’m always slightly embarrassed when the subject of my three cats comes up in conversation. After putting two and two together, most people are quick to brand me the ‘Crazy Cat Lady’. Two and two being that I have ‘officially’ been a Single Pringle for the better part of  a year and half. Whilst the label ‘Crazy Cat Lady’ generally brings to mind a crooked old lady, brandishing a box of kitty treats like a sword, with crazy eyes and surrounded by a sea of cats – Clearly not me (although the crazy eyes do tend to come out at 2am in the morning when the insomnia is blaring and I’m spooning peanut butter out of the jar like we’re in some kind of peanut butter apocalypse), the stigma surrounding the label is a tad depressing.

In the time that I’ve been single, I’ve watched my friends jump in and out of relationships a number of times.  I’ve watched them get engaged, fall pregnant and move in with their partners, get a puppy or two, buy a house. All the while I’m sitting here with my cats and a veritable mountain of chocolate wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Why aren’t I settling down? Why don’t I have a boyfriend? Am I ugly? Am I too bossy? I’m not… I mean,  is it because I’m too fat? Oh I get it, it’s because I have a bum-chin isn’t it? I mean, come on, in the right light and with the right angle, you practically can’t see it…

 I used to spend a fair amount of time moping, particularly on a Friday night when my roommates stayed at their partners’ houses and it was just me, a bottle of wine, our cats and the tissue box.   

And I know I’m not the only one. Perhaps it’s a little different for men, but women, particularly young women, seem to spend a lot of their time searching for ‘The One’. Nights spent scouring the late night for a potential drunken mate, primping their looks, checking out every Hottie buying coffee at Gloria Jeans, hours spent left-swiping on Tinder (guilty), stalking friends of friends of friends on Facebook, an hour spent carefully crafting a text message that’s the perfect mix of casual crossed with interest – god forbid you seem too interested!  Generally thinking you will only be truly happy when you’ve stumbled across that ‘special someone’.

A few months ago I mentally slapped myself. Wake the fuck up Ash, where did you get this crazy idea that you need to be in a relationship to be happy? Being single isn’t a curse, it’s an opportunity (yes, another one. I know, I know, I’m starting to sound like a broken record player).

At some point in your life, for a significant amount of time, you NEED to be single. Why? Because it allows you to focus on yourself, it allows you to be selfish.

Contrary to common belief, it’s okay to be selfish. And it’s okay to be alone.

Young people often fall head over heels into relationships, without stopping to think about where they’re headed, what they want to do with their lives, what makes them happy. And as clichéd as it sounds, they don’t really learn who they are or what they are capable of because they’re too focused on the ‘us’ or the ‘them’. Don’t get me wrong, love, in any shape or form is a wonderful part of life, but in this day and age, in Western society, both sexes have all the opportunities in the world laid at their feet, opportunities that sometimes go ignored in the wake of someone else’s needs and wants.

That said, I’m not condemning young people who are in long-term relationships or have started families. As always, you need to do what’s right for you. If that’s what you want, then full steam ahead Sister! Sometimes life leads you in unexpected directions, and sometimes you need to embrace what it throws at you.

I’m also not saying that once you reach a certain age, you need to be in a long-term relationship or starting a family. Or, god forbid, that its more ‘acceptable’ to have a family at a later age.

No, what I’m saying is that, if at ANY point in your life you find yourself alone, with three cats and a box of tissues –  wipe your nose, quit moping, rein in Cupid, unstring the bow and stop hunting for your ‘other half’. All you need is you.

While you have the opportunity - learn to be independent. Be spontaneous. Do the things that make you happy.

At the right time, the right person will walk into your life. Until then, remember: it’s okay to be selfish and it’s okay to be alone.  Take the opportunity and run with it baby! The world awaits!