You know those dreams where one
minute you’re standing in the middle of Bunnings trying to decide between a
blue unicorn and pink unicorn and then all of a sudden you’re in the middle of
the fucking Sahara Desert with no arms, no legs, a broken paddle and a compass
that doesn’t point North? No? Just me? Okay, well that’s how I felt standing in
the middle of IKEA, Melbourne, less than a week after I’d packed myself up and
made the big move.
I’m not sure whether it was the fact
that I was operating on limited sleep, my fingers felt like they were turning into
icicles, a lack of service or because I’d already dropped a number of
pieces of furniture on my sensitive toes… but I was in the midst of an
unprecedented, extremely embarrassing meltdown. And yeah, I was standing in the
middle of IKEA, of all places. Apparently Melbournians are made of stronger
stuff too, because locals were skirting around me like I’d sprouted warts or
something.
It was here, after months of basking
in the glow of my colleagues’, friends’ and family’s encouragement, that I
finally became disillusioned. There was a big sticker on my forehead that read ‘April
Fools Sucker!’ except it wasn’t April, and I’d inflicted this upon myself. Once
again, despite countless moves (wanted and unwanted), I’d kidded myself into
thinking that if I made this move, my whole life would do a complete back-flip,
I’d re-make myself, I’d work harder, I’d chase my dreams, I’d not let myself get
caught up in all the drama of dating, going out etc. etc. etc. But here I was,
standing in IKEA, teeth chattering, probably resembling a snotty two year old, with
the sudden, dawning realisation that I was completely, absolutely unprepared
for this feeling of being utterly alone.
Somewhere, deep down, I’d known that
this move wouldn’t be easy. I’d known that I’d go through a period of stagnancy
and that not everything would fall into place like a slice of pizza (or eight)
and a glass of chocolate milk after work. No, I’d have to work for it. But in
that moment, all of those realisations sort of hit me like one of Dad’s farts
after Curry Night. In one big, overpowering wave. And yeah, the water works
kicked into full motion.
You’ll be happy to know that I did
survive. I got my furniture and I kept plodding along. Since then I’ve picked
up an awesome job, I’ve continued my writing, got back into dancing, I’ve met
some pretty cool people whom I hope to call friends in the near-distant future,
and yeah, I’ve had a couple more meltdowns, I’m missing home a lot and I swear
I will never feel my toes again (and probably not see them again either. My
chocolate addiction has gotten wildly out of control).
It wasn’t until yesterday really, while I was
semi-lost out in the middle of a gorgeous walking trail around the Yarra River
in the heart of Melbourne that I realised I’m kind of an idiot. Okay, not kind
of, I’m practically a Magpie Lark on the wrong side of a glass door. Moping, sitting around, wishing I had
friends and eating endless amounts of chocolate is not going to get me
anywhere. Complaining about it to my Mum is also not going to get me anywhere
(sorry Mum for being a complete Princess).
Instead, I’ve constructed a sort of
reminder survival list to ensure that I do not spend the next two months, and
more, the same way I spent this past two months. Here goes;
- Real life is not a Harry Potter book – Nothing can be fixed with the wave of a wand. Get up. Deal with it. Make it better.
- Chocolate is not an appropriate substitute for vegetables (neither is peanut butter toast). Fun fact: It takes 4 hours of exercise to work off one Tim Tam – think about it, and then apologise to your thighs.
- Don’t worry before worry is due! Nothing will come of it except premature wrinkles. Take things as they come.
- Avoid IKEA, unless armed with two friends, a Ute and steel-capped boots.
- Don’t wait for anyone or anything. In the famous words of Shia Labeouf, “JUST DO IT!”
- Think warm thoughts.
- Exercise is one of the most important keys to happiness. Suck it up Princess.
- You’re never really alone. Pick up that phone, make that call, reach out. There are always people around you willing to help.
- And finally, keep fighting – If anything, your dreams are at least a little bit closer.
It's true that it takes a huge amount of courage to make any sort of change, big or small. But what I'm realising now is that it takes even more courage to deal with the aftershocks of that change. Nothing is ever going to be easy. You will always have ups and downs. But if there's anything in life that I'm absolutely certain about, it's that everything will eventually work out, one way or another.
